Gum Crackers!

Seriously. Shut your mouth! No one wants to hear what's going on inside of it. Believe me.

We were walking along Commercial Street today on this crisp, sunny winter day, absolutely delightful when Deb wants to go in a store. I have the dog, so I just decide to wait across the street, standing in a beam of sunlight, breathing in the fresh salt air and loving Provincetown when so few people are in town when CRACK! POP@! CRACK! A woman is getting out of her car--which, by the way, she is parking illegally, cracking her gum loud enough to be heard at the end of the pier. And she never stopped. How many pieces of gum does one need to have filling up the space between their teeth and gums in order to make that damn much noise? But the bigger question is why, tell me why, do people--99% of the time, women and girls--do it? What is the appeal? It's like a fricking addiction. Enough! GO GET HELP! No one wants to hear that nastiness.  I'm calling for a universal ban on gum cracking! Who's with me?

I do not chew gum. I was not allowed to do it as a child because my mother said it made a person look like a cow and she 1) was right, and 2) thank you mom! It is one of her life's lessons for which I am most thankful. I am especially against gum chewing because I think that for some reason, females tend to be particularly drawn to it and it makes females appear unable to control themselves in some primal way. It's ridiculously unprofessional behavior, ungracious, unattractive, a sign of bad manners, and it makes people who engage in it--women and girls mostly--easily dismissed and not taken seriously.  And the cracking--enough said. Shut your mouth! Take yourself seriously and others will, too. Enough!